Emotional manipulation: A serious problem that must be faced
It is surprising the capacity that human beings have to learn to use manipulation in our favor, applying it even from babies. We've all used a bit of it at some point, but emotional manipulation isn't healthy at all.
Using some weakness, or distorting the focus of reality to get attention and benefits, is a fairly old art and not very respectable. This type of behavior is usually very subtle, but highly destructive for its victims and those who suffer from it.
There are manipulators of all kinds, and so that you are neither a victim nor a perpetrator, here we will tell you everything you need to know about emotional manipulation and why correct it.
What is emotional manipulation?
It is considered a disorder, where an individual is dedicated to knowing the emotional weaknesses of another, and takes advantage of scenarios to exercise control over him. It can be practiced consciously and unconsciously, but both cases seek to have benefits.
The person who exercises the manipulation, in general, weakens the emotional security of his victim, and leads him to a state where his greatest influence is the thoughts and actions of his aggressor. These types of problems are part of psychological violence.
The most common cases usually occur between couples, where one of the two parties benefits from the weakness of the other. But, when someone operates with this behavior in a conscious way, they transfer it to other environments such as family and work.
Manipulation can be applied from many points of view, from making the other person feel inferior, so that they act seeking to please and live up to their aggressor, or take the role of victim hoarding attention, making others feel guilty.
What motivates this type of behavior?
Anyone could think that all manipulators are people with a perverse mind, who only want to make others suffer. And although in some cases there are people like that, the truth is that most are moved by the following.
Fear
The controller's main problem is that he doesn't understand the connection between love and freedom. Also, he feels that if all the attention is not on him, he may lose the other person. For this reason, he always seeks to exert control, to stay safe.
Fear is the most common reason that motivates the manipulation of family, partner or friendship ties. In general, the manipulator is closely linked to conflicts of dependency and insecurity.
Ignored behavior in parenting
The first episodes of manipulation are experienced in childhood, and can be considered harmless, understandable due to innocence. But, if at this stage there is no correction that makes the child understand that he is wrong, a problem will be created.
If a child gets used to manipulating from an early age, and grows up without some correction, he will transfer this behavior to stages such as marriage and parenthood.
These cases are usually very common in families with divorced parents, where they seek to gain approval and keep their children always happy at all costs. For this reason, they avoid making calls for attention or saying no to any request from them.
Low self-esteem
This is the most frequent impulse that motivates the unconscious manipulator. His low self-concept makes him act, think and express himself in a way that affects his peers, leading them to feel guilty about his situation, even though he is not.
This generates a vicious circle where the person with low self-esteem feeds on the attention obtained because of the emotional state, and does not make an effort to get out of it.
Keys to identify a manipulator
Within the manipulator's arsenal of strategies, there are many ways to achieve his goals, depending on the emotional bond that exists between him and the victim. The most common methods they use with which you can identify it are the following.
makes you feel guilty
Although the problem is very noticeable on the part of the manipulator, he looks for a way to involve his victim, in such a way that she feels the guilt of the other's actions. In general, this position is assumed by the one who acts violently or who victimizes himself.
This strategy is applied to such an extent that the manipulator can make his victim believe that his mood, economic, emotional and even physical state is his fault. This will make the other person bend to the will of their aggressor, seeking to remedy it.
makes you feel inferior or superior
As we clarified before, its greatest strength is in discovering your emotional characteristics and taking advantage of it. If you are weak, he will take a dominant and even violent position, where he will make you think that you are nothing without his help and that you need his care.
On the contrary, if you are strong or protective, it will present itself with extreme fragility, making itself look small and defenseless. This will make your protective side feel compelled to be attentive to any of their requests and needs.
they make you feel responsible
Threats are one of the weapons they often resort to, suggesting that their actions are the responsibility of others, and not of themselves.
Frequently, they threaten their victims, with the responsibility of preventing them from doing the following:
Take life.
Leave home.
Leave the studies.
Relapse into addictions.
What should I do to face manipulation?
If we get to the point where we have been able to recognize that someone is trying to manipulate us, or has been doing it for a long time, what I must do to stop it is the following.
learn to refuse
This is the equivalent of putting alcohol on a wound, it will be very uncomfortable, but it will stop the problem from progressing. You must be very clear that refusing to do something does not make your love diminish or disappear, on the contrary, it is a sign of care.
Saying no when you disagree with something is healthy, and is part of your rights as a free and independent human being, and therefore, you should not feel bad about doing so.
Unmask the executioner
If you identified your aggressor, unmask his behavior in a frontal and direct way, this will leave him without tools in front of you and he will be forced to be sincere.
Manipulators always act low-key, but exposing them ends their game.
Don't assume someone else's fault
Learn to recognize and maintain a solid posture before the responsibilities of each one within an emotional bond.
Each person is responsible for their own actions, any attempt to blame you is an act of manipulation, which you should not allow.
Have self-respect and appreciation
No one has the right to humiliate you or make you feel responsible for their failures, and you must have a high degree of personal value there, so you will not be affected by the influence of third parties. You should only access what makes you happy, nobody can force you to do anything.
Manipulation is an immature, harmful and destructive behavior, it is wrong if we exercise it and also if we allow it. Take care of your emotional health, be attentive to details, and never forget that you are the main designer of your life, because your opinion is the one that counts the most.