Parentification: What is it and why does it harm the family so much?

We praise when we see a child assuming mother or father behaviors to support at home or take care of their siblings. But the truth is that behind this noble attitude where an infant has more maturity than normal, there is a problem called parentification.

Both marriage and family have roles, and although it is true that in some contexts they are altered by external factors, it does not change that they have repercussions. Each stage of life is necessary and skipping or repressing them has serious consequences.

Surely you know someone who is going through this problem, maybe you lived it, or you live it and you didn't know it. To do this, here we tell you everything you need to know about parentification, and how it is harmful to the development of a full life.

What exactly is parentification?

It can be thought of as a decomposition of established family roles, where a son assumes the position of the father. This can intervene only in the psychological aspect, being the one who guides, corrects and cares in the position of father or mother.

It can also extend to a physical position, where you assume financial responsibility, care and maintenance of the family, as a response to the absence or incapacity of one of the parents.

It is a very common problem in families where there are strong conflicts, going through divorce problems or there is an absence of one of the two father figures.

By assuming a position like this, a behavioral deformation is generated in the child.

What generates it?

Speaking in terms of factors, the causes of parentification can be very varied, but in general terms we can say that ignorance and necessity are the two central ones.

We will only address these two points, and thus we will easily identify where each factor fits.

ignorance

Many parents are unaware that by relying on a child to make up for the lack of the role that corresponds to their spouse, they are causing damage. In many cases this problem occurs in a very subtle way, and when it is detected it is too late.

Parents tend to be so immersed in their marital or economic conflicts that they do not realize that a child is losing an important stage in his life.

Need

This point basically refers to cases where there is an absence or disability, which prevents one of the parents from assuming their role. If this space is not covered by some other adult, it is very likely that a child will begin to assume it.

This process does not occur in an imposing way, but the lack makes the instinctive response to seek solutions. This leads to scenarios of wrong roles, even more so if there are economic deficiencies and minor children.

How is parentification classified?

As we mentioned at the beginning, this conflict has two ways of expressing itself, they are classified as physical and emotional parentification. Both are equally harmful, but they are executed in different ways, their manifestation is as follows.

Physical

This is the one that involves carrying out activities that do not correspond to the usual routine of an infant. Tasks such as cooking, washing, taking care of younger siblings and cleaning the house are some of the ones that are mostly assumed.

But, there are other scenarios where even children of a not so young age are forced to work and generate economic support. This occurs even at the cost of abandoning their studies or doing both at the same time.

Sentimental

The child adopts a position where he is the one who listens, advises and even serves as a mediator in the marital problems of his parents. Also, he comes to serve as an authority figure for his siblings and even for his parents.

The worst thing about this side of the conflict is that the child ends up handling very complicated information for his age, and this ends up killing his innocence. Apart from the fact that you can bias your position towards one of your parents, and lose interest in the stage you are living.

How does parentification affect?

Any conflict that involves damage to normal childhood patterns will have very unfavorable repercussions, and in this case directly affects the development of an individual.

The most critical consequences of this problem are the following.

Forced and incomplete maturity

As the development of maturity did not occur naturally, but was the product of overcoming a conflict, this means that it is not fully assumed. Therefore, as the child grows up, he may be very mature in some respects, but very childish in others.

In addition, in his growth process it can hinder his way of relating to other boys, because he was exposed to scenarios that faded his innocence, and consequently he does not feel comfortable with them.

They can develop resentment or family contempt

Mostly, when the conditions that led them to assume the role were more imposing, they come to cultivate resentment towards their parents or siblings. Being deprived of activities that corresponded to their age and that they did not do because they had to attend to others, these feelings surface.

There are many scenarios where the son who experiences the burden of a paternal role, seeing that there is some improvement or that he reaches adulthood or youth, leaves home and isolates himself from his family, as a method of defense against what he considers a abuse.

His academic and sentimental development is frustrated

Just as there are scenarios where there are children who run away and leave that environment of conflict, there are also scenarios where there are those who assume the imposed role as the sole purpose of life. These put aside their own interests, dreams and aspirations.

In this case we see children who take charge of their family completely, dedicating themselves to the care of their parents and siblings. They lose interest in the development of their own lives and do not seek to start romantic relationships.

It can lead to deviations in sexual behavior

In families where there is an absence of one of the parental figures and a child is led to perform functions that do not correspond to his behavior, he can be pushed to take another course in his sexual orientation.

Every father must be very attentive to all the sources that may interfere with the upbringing of his children, and must avoid at all costs that they occupy roles that do not correspond to them. Childhood is a crucial, beautiful and necessary stage, and marital conflicts should not alter it.