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Toxic Mother: How much does this problem affect the family?

Maria de Piña
7 min read

Being a toxic mother or dealing with one is not pleasant at all, often their behavior ends up leaving great damage in the lives of their children. They themselves are affected over time, since in many cases they earn family rejection.

This type of behavior is considered a syndrome and responds to different factors, its characteristics persist even when the children grow up and it can be transmitted.

To clear up doubts, here I will teach you everything you need to know to identify a toxic mother and the consequences that this condition can cause to the family nucleus.

Let's define what a toxic mother is

Toxic Mother: How much does this problem affect the family? – Mothers And Babies
What is a toxic mother?

The term is applied when we refer to those mothers who distort their family role and hinder the development of their children, justifying maternal care and protection. Those who have this problem tend to manipulate, overprotect and take away their children's freedom.

The toxic mother seeks to control the life of her children to the maximum, to the point that sometimes she turns them into projections of her dreams or frustrated desires. Try to be the one who determines your friendships, studies, and even your love relationships.

It is a possessive behavior linked to narcissism, which can have both a violent, imposing and aggressive image, as well as use a victim position to achieve its goals.

From any angle it is a very insane behavior, which affects the entire family nucleus.

How to identify if mom is toxic?

Anyone would think that it is easy to identify someone with this conflict, but the truth is that many mothers develop it in a way that makes it difficult to perceive that there is something wrong.

That is why I leave you some very specific details so that you can identify them.

negative perception of the world

In general, his image of the world is based on extreme negativism, where practically everything is dangerous, risky and insane. This makes him shy away from many things and prohibits them from his children, they always focus on the negative of everything around them.

absorbing behavior

They need constant contact and monitoring of their children, supervising all the places they frequent when they leave home. In general, they tend to constantly make calls to themselves and their partners, to check on where they are.

They are the type of mothers who do not allow their children to go to meetings or celebrations, where they are not present, and even less allow them to go alone to places that they do not know.

They are tax

This aspect is based on a sense where they seek to have control of everything and for this they deprive their children of deciding even in very simple aspects. They enroll them in courses or sports without consulting them, buy them and choose the clothes they should wear.

They select the friends they should have and harshly correct them if they hang out with someone they see as inappropriate. All of this seems somewhat harmless and even correct, but if it extends further, it becomes a problem.

It is necessary for every individual to develop their power of decision from a young age, or they will grow up to be dependent and in many cases repressed.

They seek to project themselves on them

It is very common to see in these cases that the mother wants her children to achieve what she did not achieve, and this is often totally contrary to what they want. Their yearnings may be focused on academic, professional, or even sentimental roles.

It is a serious problem where mothers become perfectionists, to the point of seeing their children as a personal improvement project, and their life is displaced by the projection that they seek to achieve.

They do not respect privacy

This is one of the strongest problems, which can extend beyond childhood, affecting the child even when he is outside the family nucleus. In this aspect, the mother intrudes into the private affairs of her children without any permission.

Under the excuse of wanting to help violate their privacy, there are episodes where they monitor their digital conversations, check their room or interfere in sentimental conflicts without their advice being requested.

compete with other mothers

They always seek to show that they are better mothers than the rest and they do this through their children. They make them look like exhibition projects where they must always look perfect, they demand high grades or have a leading role in everything they can.

Their motivation to care for and demand their children is not motivated by a genuine feeling of concern for their future, but by a mere state of image before society.

Manipulate to get attention

Normally, these types of mothers have two positions. They can be the typical possessive that imposes the rules in a hostile and violent way where what she says must be done.

On the other hand, he can also be a passive figure who acts kindly, but subtly controls the course of everything.

In the second case, they use feigning delicate moods or health, to make their children stay close to them. They make them feel responsible for everything that happens to them, so that their children always try to keep them happy.

What causes this type of behavior?

Toxic Mother: How much does this problem affect the family? – Mothers And Babies
Consequences of being a toxic mother.

The consequences of being or living with a toxic mother can affect the entire family, leaving both damage to the children and to the marriage relationship. These types of issues, if not corrected properly, can result in the following.

Distortion in children's behavior

Being so repressed and limited by the complexes of the mother, as they grow up they can become highly insecure, unstable and dependent people. Some do not leave the family nucleus, nor start their own family due to unfounded fears.

On the other hand, there is another scenario where the one who was repressed, feeling a bit of independence, lives unrestrainedly. This is expressed with a rebellious attitude as a response to all the deprivations he experienced while under his mother's care.

marital conflicts

Many marriages end up breaking up due to this type of conflict, since generally mothers who have these characteristics towards their children also transfer them to the marriage.

There are also cases where parents separate due to disagreements about raising children. Toxic behavior becomes very uncomfortable both for the children who are the most affected, and for the parents who are involved in the conflicts.

family rejection

There are children who cut ties with their mother as they grow up, as a result of the suffering they experienced as children. These with the passage of time store resentment, and when they reach a point where they are independent, they completely distance themselves from the contact of their mothers.

The vast majority of women who experience this problem do not do so for evil reasons, but out of a fear that their children will suffer, but by wanting to protect they end up damaging.

The most advisable thing if they have this problem is to seek psychological help, which allows them to channel their love and care in a healthy way, where they do not interfere with the freedom of their children.