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How to set healthy boundaries regarding emotional attachment?
Attachment represents those links that we establish with all the surrounding people, and what type of attachment we have is directly related to our closest ties, that is, the one we develop early with our parents.
Contrary to what is popularly believed, attachment is not bad, a healthy attachment allows us to establish meaningful bonds with our close people, however most of the time people have a harmful attachment to things or in their interpersonal relationships.
It is possible to work on attachment to relate in a healthy way with yourself and with those around you, this happens by knowing yourself and recognizing what kind of behaviors you have with those around you, ask yourself in what way do I relate to others?
Well, to find a healthy way we will teach you how to set limits to your relationships and create a healthy attachment that you can in turn share with your children and your friends.
What are healthy limits based on?
It is normal that we have the aspiration of everyone to love us and to like everyone, naturally we do not want to be rejected by anyone and less if that person is important to us.
However, we have to understand that if we want to be well with ourselves and with others, limits are essential, they make us responsible to ourselves and teach others that we like it and that we are not willing to allow it.
Without limits unequal relationships are created that are prone to abuse, this can put us in situations that do not hurt, if we want to avoid this we have to work within our limits.
In order to set limits we have to know ourselves, otherwise how will we know what limits to set? We must ask ourselves, Who am I? What kind of person do I want to be? In what way do I want others to respect me? What things are not right for me? That I do not like it?
Contact yourself and do an exploration of your interior, recognize your values, your aspirations and based on them reaffirm yourself and establish limits adapted to you and your own characteristics.
Healthy limits are supported by your values and are transmitted to others with assertiveness and understanding, not from imposition or authority, as a person you must let others know that you are not willing to accept in the best possible way with clarity and kindness.
How to set healthy limits?
1. Get to know yourself: as we mentioned before, the first step to be able to establish adequate limits is to work on our self-knowledge, otherwise we cannot be aware of what we need.
2. Communicate them: sometimes we would like the surrounding people to know what we want and what we want to avoid, however we cannot pretend that someone is aware of something that we have not communicated to them.
For what we owe to the task of communicating our expectations and limits to others, once these are clear, those around us will be able to know more about us.
Do not forget to communicate in a gentle way, with an appropriate tone and using words delicately, it is not necessary to impose yourself on others, say how the situation makes you feel.
3. Respect them: you yourself must be the first person to respect your limits, you can be flexible about it and negotiate situations but do not transgress your own limits, this is also a way of loving yourself.
How do we teach our children about healthy limits?
Our children need us to teach them what the limits of the outside world are and how they can set their own limits with others to achieve healthy relationships.
It is very important to make the teaching explicit, tell him what are the limits that he should have at home and explain the importance of these, so that he really understands their meaning and not only is retained by them.
Emphasize the importance and value you have as a person, your body is yours and no one can touch, hug, or kiss it without your consent, so the children will understand that they can say no, and that this is valid.
Be the example, n allow your children to transgress the limits that you have set and do not transgress theirs, if your son does not want you to hug him for example, respect his decision, let him know that his word is valuable.
The main function of attachment is protection and care, it is possible to build healthy relationships with clear limits from respect, put into practice what we have learned on this occasion and remember that you can count on the help of a therapist to accompany you in this process if necessary.
